'And the colour is Black'

Her eyes took time to adjust to the darkness. The room was pitch black. The last ray of hope had diminished with the door closing with a soft click of the lock. A life of thirty five years had boiled down to this very moment. She felt her life was at a brink. Her body felt heavier than usual. Every movement felt like an effort. Her mind was unable to process the voices falling on her eardrum anymore. Her eyes were wet with tears. Yet, she couldn't brush aside the thoughts lingering in her mind.

All she could think of was the smiling face of her husband who loved her with all his heart . For a moment, she felt the warmth of his hugs, her heart slowly started to melt. 

She shook her head from side to side brushing aside any thoughts that could weaken her stand. She had decided and re-enforced it in her mind for the hundredth time, "That's it. It's all over."

For the first time in a long while, she felt in command of her actions. Her desperation and helplessness had started to fade away. She could sense her earlier confident self knocking from within, unfortunately, on a day she had decided to end it all. The ceiling fan, for some strange reason, didn't seem too high from the ground anymore. She double checked the loop at the end of the rope she was holding. It was a very tense moment which was indicated by her arms feeling numb at the thought her tightening the noose. Her eyes looked for a chair that could be used as a platform. A final step that could, in all reality, "End it all."

Hailing from a well to do family settled in the lap of natural beauty of Coorg, Shikha had two brothers who took care of her smallest of needs at every point of time.She was very easy going who loved partying. With her brothers taking care of all the household responsibilities, she had nothing to worry in life. Her childhood had zoomed past with all the pampering she enjoyed and soon it was time for her wedding. 

Though reluctant in the beginning, it took a lot of convincing by the family and after much deliberation, an alliance was finalised with a boy belonging to a rich business family. With the consent of both, the bride and the groom, a date was decided upon and the wedding was celebrated with great pomp and festivity. The initial days of the wedding was a paradise for both of them. Their honeymoon was a week long trip to the Lover's city of Paris.

"Huh...Feels like a long time ago" she often mumbled to herself whenever she was reminded of those good old days. 

Differences started creeping in when Shikha was unable to adjust with her new surroundings and the people around her. Her lifestyle was in contrast to theirs who, inspite of owning one of the most successful business in town, were pretty simple in their lifestyle.There was a great deal of difference in their personalities as well. While Sagar was a workohilic who loved to achieve his self-set goals, Shikha was more of a happy go lucky kind of a person who loved to live life king size. To her advantage, her in-laws, now retired from business, also spent most of their time travelling. Though Shikha had no restrictions, she however, longed for the pampering she was used to. She missed her carefree attitude. The marriage felt more like a burden where she could no longer dump her responsibilities on her brothers and carry on with her life. She felt strangled in the relationship where she was as accountable to her partner as he was to her. She felt smothered by the fact that she had a role to play in the family and her actions actually mattered.

Sagar tried his best to surprise her with gifts that would bring a smile on her face. But, it was tough to do on a regular basis. Every now and then, on his way back from office, he would pick up a gift for Shikha. He was doing very well professionally. On a personal front, he had a beautiful wife whom he loved with all his heart. He always felt that she had completed his life. Her mere presence put a smile on his face. He was happy with life.

"I can't do this anymore" she said one day. Sagar stared blankly at her face.

"I have never done this. How can you stay away from me the whole day. All you think about is your work. Nowadays, you do not have time for me" she complained to him.

"Its annual accounting Shikha. You know what a drag they are. Take my suggestion and join the club of our area. It's a good place to socialize. You'll get to meet a lot of people there. Or, take up a job. I can help you with that" consoled Sagar, changing to his pyjamas.

"It's quite late and I'm tired. I'll surely sleep like a log today" he said, jumping on the bed, next to her. "Snap out of your daily routine and do something you enjoy. You'll start to appreciate life better" he said, hugging his wife, wishing her good night.

It was evident from her reactions that Shikha was not convinced. As days rolled, her boredom started showing on her face. She instinctively snapped at anyone who spoke to her. Her eyebrows were arched all the time. The pleasant smile was slowly turning into an angry grin. 

"I want to buy a diamond necklace" she said one day, storming into Sagar's library.

"You just bought one last month" came the reply in between the puffs of cigarette.

"I didn't like the design. So, I want a new one" she insisted.

"You said you loved it. What happened all of a sudden" asked Sagar, surprised.

"Hmm... I want a new one. That's it" she said walking out of the door leaving Sagar dazed at the sudden demand.

Such tantrums were not new for him. He knew her well enough to understand that she wanted to spend time with him. They had just returned from a holiday to Andaman islands and the week's work had piled up leaving him with working long nights to catch up. He had observed several changes in her during the trip. She was always lost in her own thoughts. The flamboyant self of Shikha which Sagar had fallen for had been replaced by a reserved one who would often not talk to him for hours despite sharing the same room. She had started avoiding her meals on various pretexts which he initially attributed to a change of place and culture. She was scared to move from one room to the other on her own. She demanded his presence alongside her at all times. Her demands were turning bizzare and revolved around her fantasy world of fear. Once she had even created a scene in public when they had gone for dinner which had caused great embarrassment for Sagar. He would just laugh off most of her animated acts more often than not. 

The diamond necklace saga was a new addition to the list he thought. But, that day, it was different. She didn't come back with any other demands. It was almost a customary habit. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, tailing her into the bedroom.

"I don't know" said Shikha as she broke down into tears. " I feel life is so unfair. I am always confused. At one moment, everything makes sense and the very next moment, completely the opposite. I'm scared of something that might happen even before it actually happens. I can't see this relationship going forward. I feel the dreams we have built with great joy and hope will crumble soon" she said with tears rolling down her eyes. 

"Take it easy. You are tired. You worry to much nowadays. Our relationship is beyond shallow waters. I'm there for you at every step, always. Dont worry. Sleep it off. Tomorrow is a fresh day. You will feel much better..." consoled Sagar, slowly helping her to the bed.

It never occurred to Sagar that his wife had slowly slipped into a supposedly dangerous state of depression. Her changes had a pattern to them. For some unknown reason, she was losing herself in a quicksand from where a possibility of a return was looking slim. Unconsciously, she had given up all hopes of a positive turn around. She had reached the end of a road with no return in sight. An unknown fear was eating her away from within. She couldn't identify it. Neither could she face it nor run from it. It had taken the form of an ugly monster. She couldn't muster the strength to fight it anymore. Well, was it worth? She was not sure.

Ending it all sounded the best option. She had heard about a beautiful world beyond death, a world of purity, one beyond any pain and suffering. She wanted to get rid of her agony. Was it the best way? Her mind was oscillating both ways. But, one thing was for sure. She couldn't bear it anymore.

Her eyes eventually adjusted to the darkness. The chair she was standing on was of the perfect height. The noose was tightened around her neck. "It was always going be this way" she thought. "Was my life worth living?" was the next question, which was a constantly nagging one. 

For the last time she thought of Sagar, sleeping in the next room, completely oblivious to her trail of thoughts. 

'Takkkkk' came a sound of the chair striking the floor, as the image of her loving husband was replaced by darkness she was always scared to encounter.