‘Frankly speaking with Pops'

I never understood what it is like to be a father, probably because I have not stepped into those big shoes as yet. But, I had never thought in a father's perspective until recently, over a cup of coffee, I decided to pick my father's brain about it.

He has always been a rock in my short life. Never have I seen him shy away from his responsibilities nor back off from a fight. He often says, "Bravery is not a show of strength. It is the strength to stand for what you believe is right even when the tide is against you."

In a casual conversation one day, I asked him about how he managed to learn the knack of fatherhood? 

With a smile and his characteristic pat on my shoulders, he said, " You will learn this art when the time is right. Life has it ways..."

A man of his word, my dad has always taught me to weather the storm until the time is right to beat it. When asked about this approach to life, his reply was not surprising at all. "A father always wants his kids to outdo him. Its also said that a son's first idol is, more often than not, his father. But, its the fact that, every father lives in a constant fear of his children committing the same mistakes he did when he was their age...." he said sipping his coffee. 

"Advicing kids is like holding a double edged sword. If you tell them something, make sure to follow it or you might land in a tough spot answering their questions." he laughs as he places his coffee mug on the side table. 

When asked about how tough it was for him to get past my watchful baby eyes, grasping every action of his, he pointed out, "The toughest part was to not set the wrong example, especially when I knew that you were copying me through and through. Suddenly, every action of mine was under a scanner and every step was being keenly observed. Yes, it was tough at times to convince your little brain that certain things are meant to be the way they are. It still is. But then, its a part of my duty..."

Having seen a lot of glory on the sports field during his college days, the University record holder for shortput and discuss throw for over thirty years now, was all practical when it came to my tragectory in sports.

"You had potential. But, it was not your destiny" he shrugged when asked about a life threatening injury that ended my sporting days. " To come to terms with the fact that you were not able to walk after the injury was tough as nails. Above that, the nature of your injury was such that the doctors were unsure if you would ever walk again and that simply ran shivers down my spine" he recalls.

"Its not easy being a father. Its a role that involves a lot of helplessness that one experiences when something is wrong. Though we try our best to right it, sometimes we are just unable to. Physical ailments of any kind is one such thing. It left me wanting to change your future for you, but I was just unable to do anything about it. The desperation and helplessness killed me from within..." he says as he recollects one of the toughest phases of his life.

"Initially you search for reasons, try to find out what led to the circumstances. Gradually, you resign to your fate. To be frank, I have even seen the greatest of atheists praying to God in these times..." he sighs as he gulps down his coffee.

At this point, out of sheer curiosity, I asked him about how he deals with disappoints in life. Having been a part of various social movements and fought for the preservation of environment all his life, an avid reader and nature lover as him has  seen a fair bit of both sides of the coin. "Every time I get to know about a forest fire or an animal conflict resulting in the death of the animal, I feel like I have lost a part of me. We are as much a part of nature as the flora and fauna we so easily exploit nowadays. So, when the balance of nature is disturbed, it does affect us in various ways. A part of parenthood is to teach the next generation to preserve what has been passed on to us as a temporary gift is to be safely handed over to the next generation. I strongly believe that agriculture is the closest one can be with nature. Though you mould the earth to suit your liking, you never tamper with its core, as it happens in the big games of business. Agriculture teaches you patience. And with time, the deepest wounds heal and so do the memories of the shadows of disappointments."

I have always done what I feel is right. Never was I pushed into making a decision or remember my parents placing any kind of restrictions on my activities. When asked about how he trusts me to do the right thing, he simply says, "I don't. If I do, then I'll be pressurizing you to view the world with my perspective. The reason I support you when you want to travel, (which is always, he chuckles) is for you to develop your own perspective in life. You can only live in my shadows upto a certain time. Then, you will have to face the world on your own and I don't want you to be crippled then. After a point, parents start living for their children. Its a transition that happens unconsciously. They try to find their happiness on the kids faces. It feels like fulfilling their every wish is our prime duty. Now, that's a twine on which we don't choose to walk. But, are happy doing so..." he says walking towards the bags of coffee waiting to be weighed and stored.