'Garbs of fuzzy changes'

'PHAAT' came a sound that woke me up from my fitful sleep. I was travelling from Raichur to Bangalore on the Solapur-Hassan Express. The previous day had been a tedious one with the North Karnataka heat draining every bit of energy reserve in my body. Yet, sleep was somewhere on the horizon, playing hide and seek with me. It was a night long train journey and I was trying hard to get some shut eyes before I reach office the next morning. "No rest for the wicked..." I mumbled a dialogue from the 'Lie to Me' TV series, as my phone beeped again with the data to be analysed the next day, being sent to me by my field representative. "Damn you" I cursed under my breath before I switched off my phone, as I desperately begged Hypnos to please show some mercy on me.

As I strained hard to track the source of the sound that acted as the worst possible antogonist to my sleep, the decibel level slowly started to rise in the adjacent cabin berths. The train was jam packed with several passengers travelling without tickets, occupying the places in-between cabins and some even sleeping on the floor. Though a common sight in most of the trains in India, it was quite unusual and funny to see the ticket collector jump his way over the sleeping passengers like a horse trying to clear every obstacle in the stadium jumping event. He precisely jumped over every body landing exactly in a tiny space between two passengers. 

"Practise..." I chuckled at the sight of the TC's accuracy as he crossed over to the next compartment in a hurry.

I tried hard to make sense of the commotion. The dim light along with the occasional flashes of light from a station the train was passing through helped me catch the glimpses of a man, about 5'5" in height, being dragged down by a couple of women. His eyes begged innocence while his voice was suppressed under the loud high pitched voices of women. I leaned over seeking a better understanding of the situation.

"You are the one..." shouted one lady as she slapped the man again. "You took my purse. You are a thief" she said pulling him so hard that the button of his shirt popped out like the cork of a champagne bottle. 

"I went to the washroom madam. I didn't do anything.Please listen to me" the man pleaded.

"I saw you bending down as you passed. Why would you if not to steal money from her bag... Don't you have any shame" asked another lady as she pulled his hair downwards forcing him to crouch on the adjacent seat. 

"You can search me if you want to. I did not take your money. All my belongings are right here. My bags, shoes are all here. If I was a thief, why would I return after stealing from you. I went to the bathroom. Please, trust me..." the man begged to be heard.

It was the next dialogue that actually drew my attention. One of the ladies said, " Don't you have any shame trying to steal from a LADY? You will be cursed for life if you cause any harm to women. Even my husband doesn't dare to touch me or talk back to me and you try to steal from me. Men are all the same, Bastards..."

Now, this was something that didn't fit the situation. There was no need to drag in the gender of the person anywhere in the whole episode in my opinion. I tried hard to fix gender into the context. 

"What if the person had tried stealing from a man? Wouldn't he be cursed then?" I started the analysis.  

"Shut up and listen" my brain order my auditory senses, which followed orders faithfully.

"We work so hard. We bear your children, take care of them for you, cook for you, make a home out of a house and still, the society treats us like this. You men are heartless, ungrateful brutes..." zoomed the next arrow straight at the man, who had, by now, resigned to his fate. 

Mustering the final ounces of courage left in him, he pleaded, "I'm innocent. Please listen to me. I have done nothing wrong. Please search me if you like... Please."

'PHAAT' came another sound as his right cheek flashed red with the fingerprint of the lady holding him by his collar now.

I was still unable to understand the context of the argument. The direction it was surging in was way off the target in my view. How is motherhood of the 'so called victim' connected to the theft, was my primary confusion. I stared blankly at the accused. 

This has been a common phenomena for me in recent times. There have been several instances of late where I'm actually searching for the contexts of caste, gender, equality and religion in arguments, made with such confidence, that the other person shivers in his boots. My major incertitude has been the choice of the person to mix these loosely available topics in a discussion to further knot it into a ball of confusions. Are these some instrument of choice that one plays whenever he or she deems it fit or is it an actual cause of alarm? 

Yes, it is to be recognized that women have been sidelined in several crux moments in the past. They are denied basic rights in several places even today despite their immense contribution to the building of a stable society. But, has the call for women empowerment turned into an excuse is what I'm trying to figure out.

Recently, a friend of mine made a noteworthy point while commenting about this issue. He said, "When the women of today ask for equality, it is evident that they already consider themselves in a position below men. In today's world, we see women excel in every field. Their hard work, dedication and perseverance is unparalleled on several occasions. Still, they demand equal status when they can actually surge past men on various accounts." He calls it, 'Victimhood Identity Crisis'. 

In this scenario as well, the 'so called theif' was trying to prove his innocence as the women was claiming otherwise. The thief never claimed innocence based on his gender nor did he try to punch his way out of the situation owing to his superior physical ability. It was his word against hers and hence could be settled based on the circumstancial evidences available. But, it was not to be.

In another instance, during my stay in Raichur, while discussing about the reasons for a women to not sit on the same couch as her husband even when he urged her to do so, she said, "I have been taught not to sit in front of men. It will be a sin if I do not follow the practices I have been taught." While I have heard a lot of people attributing this behaviour to the internalisation of patriarchy, is it the husband's fault that his wife is adhering to a belief or rather a practise, that even he believes, is redundant?

I'm always told by elders to ask questions for which I can find answers. But, the reality is that, there are certain questions which beg a different perspective. My dad often says, "All answers are not solutions and all solutions are not feasible."

In a time when the altercations on gender, caste and religion is at a tipping point, isn't it time for us to look at them through a different lens? A lens that is clear of the hazy prejudices we harbour, a glass that can focus more on the actuality rather than the preconceived notions, a mirror strong enough to show us the real reflections of the society. 

Well, in my opinion, it's time for us to start searching for 'feasible solutions'.