Life or Afterlife?

He stared at me for a whole minute without uttering a single word. His body was firm, fist clenched, lips tight as if they were sewed up together. I could hear his teeth grind. The atmosphere was tense. I stood in front of him, a blank slate. His silence bothered me. For a second, I felt like I saw his soul slowing turning hollow through his sunken eyes. His face, bereft of any emotion, his eyes looking dead straight at me without even bothering to blink. After a whole minute, he slowly opened his mouth to utter four words, words that felt like they were shot with a high intensity propeller straight at my conscience. "But, he's my son..." the man said.

The arrival of the dreaded COVID-19 pandemic has been a great learning curve in the lives of millions of individuals around the globe. While we saw the rise in the number of infected cases on a day to day basis, the number of deaths due to the deadly attack on the respiratory system of humans was alarming. While on the one hand, it was heartening to see people moving past the social barriers and helping others in need, the loss of life due to unavailability of oxygen and other medical facilities was heart wrenching. The debate on the people responsible for the improper management of facilities and the loss of lives might continue till the ends of time.But, the situation demanded that everyone stuck to the facts staring right in the face and combat the reality at hand. 

The first wave of the COVID-19 pandemic in India was managed to a large extent due to the forced lockdown imposed by the government. Both the centre and state governments, took the initiative to strictly implement the COVID regulations, targeting the replication cycle of the virus and controlling it's rapid spread. Yet, the television screens, more often than not, highlighted the death toll, cautioning people of the consequences of a careless attitude. The numbers that flashed on news channels, were definitely indicative of the physicality of the situation. But, the pain, trauma and sufferings associated with the loss of each one of those lives reflected just as a number, lost its significance amidst the chaos.

Death is a boat,

for it knows to sail

No triumphs to gloat,

nor a truth to mail

They say it's naked,

as it's for all to see

Still remains sacred,

For the soul isn't me.

'Death' has always been a topic of great interest to me. As a kid, I was always fascinated by the idea of afterlife. In mythology, there have been references to a process of liberation of the soul to a much calmer existence after death. A green skinned character with a thick moustache called Yama Dharmaraya - The God of Justice, riding on a buffalo, extracted the soul from the body with his specialised weapon of choice, 'Pasha' or the 'noose', thus easing it's journey into the afterlife. I remember constantly pestering my father with questions about it. He would listen to all my questions patiently and then respond saying, "Life, as we know it, is far more beautiful than afterlife. Afterlife is an imaginary world in contrast to the real one we live in. Nobody has seen it nor returned from the other side to describe it. But life is as real as you and me." He would then go on to narrate stories of people who are remembered even after their death for the good deeds they could accomplish when they were alive. Yet, the curiosity of a life after this one is something that fails to desert my peery brain.

Crematoriums are always gloomy places where people bid adieu to their loved ones. Places that act as channels that connects life to afterlife. Places where rituals are performed to prepare the soul to travel to it's afterlife. Rituals, that ease the journey and help in the transformation. 

But, COVID cremations are different and so are places that are identified for the cremation of people who have perished to the fight with the virus. These bodies are wrapped in such a way that they do not come in contact with the outside world. The plastics used to cover these bodies prevent the exposure of the virus to the people cremating them and once the bodies are burned, it is scientifically believed that the virus cannot survive at such high temperatures. So, on the whole, the wrapping of the bodies, minimise the risk of exposure of the virus to the environment, thus helping in reducing the risk of infection. 

But, there is a huge disadvantage that comes with this precaution. The family of the deceased is unable to see the faces of their loved ones for the last time. The same faces of people with whom they had shared several moments of joy and happiness, spent hundreds of hours hoping of a better future, planned trips to the ends of the earth and dreamt of a life together; everything feels like a facade at that point in time when one sees the person wrapped in a roll of white plastic. The world around feels like its crumbling with only thin air to grab on to in the form of hope.

'He sees a glimmer

A pale shadow of a source of light

Feels his intuitions are stronger

Respite far ahead in sight

The path covered with broken glass

The truth hidden amidst a moonless night

With hope as treacherous as slippery moss

Neither with faith as a beacon in sight'

I stood there in my blue PPE kit as I saw the world of a father crumble. His clenched fist grabbing thin air as his eyes searched for those memories fading with a blink of an eye. The memories of his son's childhood, his achievements and failures, his laughs and tears, then ultimately, his face. The son, who had promised to take care of him in his old age, who had vouched to stand by him at all times. 

Who was to be blamed? Again, I was not sure.

Does a life after death still intrigue me? I might possibly yet answer in the affirmative. But, I have definitely come to realise one thing in the past few days. As fascinating as afterlife might seem, it's the people we leave behind in this world, who really lose the battle.